KT (orgyflake) wrote,

about a boy

Today I worked on a few art film projects for an artist I know. It helps get me by in between freelance gigs. It's nice to see people make decisions or help them (sometimes). Working for people over 50 is a constant struggle to explain the situation though i must say. I don't mind all the time. Today was chill, not too much confusion. Sometimes it's really draining and mostly everyone has a very lengthy process and almost always make endless technical mistakes that I have to fix (lol). I think the projects are coming along nicely though and she's finally getting it out there.

Watching the new Kurt Cobain doc rn that speculates Courtney love as a part of the murder. Very interesting so far. I love crime documentaries and investigative shows about real crimes. This one is 200% better than the other one that just came out (montage of heck) which was just all fluffy and pseudo-personal. With the animations and shitty orchestra remakes of nirvana songs. Although, no matter what, these doc films are pretty biased.

I think I'm interested in the psychological aspect most of crime docs. How so many people are only fractions away of doing something "bad." The wrongfully accused also interests me. How speculation turns into hysteria. The idea that there is no definite good or bad person, but a person acting in a situation- reacting to the effects of their environments/social surroundings over time. Also the type of fact that are deemed acceptable and which people are believed over others. Which people are charismatic or rich enough to rid themselves of their action.

It gets dark fast.

But- I think I have an emotional connection to how crimes are formed psychologically through people first and what they have been through. I sympathize a lot with the emotional trauma criminals have experienced. The idea of "being crazy" i also speculate heavily. The political affects of our social construct that forces people to feel like these are the ways they have to act things out. I think all psychoanalysis is fucked. I strive to understand it and i just am not sure it is accurately explored.

Why do people on anti-depressants still kill themselves? Why do we order our thoughts this way when we know how to be 'correct'? How are we socially learning things the wrong way?
A study I just read (need reference) proved that violent and sexual images are off putting to most viewers -maybe viewers are very aware of what is real and what is not. Maybe reality is what is making everyone so unstable. Maybe after being subjected to reality it makes people make unstable decisions without thinking of consequence. What is reality? Consequences are absolved or changed when you are imprisoned by your own mind daily. Where does it start? Ending a problem internally or physically in the world? What is the change that is more 'correct', which action would 'create a solution'. But what could make someone do that?

When the government acts so fully without consequence it sets a social example for sure. Seek help and blame yourself, get blamed then go to prison and blame yourself. Think about yourself but it is always your fault even if it's not. What is justice? Everyone gets hurt somehow at some point. When you don't value one person as much as the next they try to take that value. What is value of a life? I don't know, maybe i'm not making sense. The conspiracies within ourselves are as bad as the ones outside? I will think about this some more.
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