KT (orgyflake) wrote,
KT
orgyflake

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i can't

Every time I try to be nice about working for an artist, I regret it.
I tried to bypass that in a previous entry. I did feel good for one second.

How is it that they are all ego maniacs that are not only competitive and bourgeois but seriously fucking clueless?

I cannot work for artists over 50 anymore. It has become completely depressing. I feel bad for them. They are constantly asking what I am doing, how I am doing it and no matter how carefully or specific I am, they never get it. They never grasp it. But that doesn't stop them from questioning my ability to down right outraging me because it's the 60th time I'm explaining the exact same scenario.

It's what I'm getting paid for right? To be parented? It feels like that. If they were respectful, I would get it. It feels like I am being undermined by someone who has more money than me and a far smaller skill set - that uses me to make their livelihood.

Instead of treating me like a human that is taking care of their child, it often feels like a stupid personal attack. If they earnestly said, "I just really don't understand. I'm sorry" or " I trust you, you know how to do this" -- There would not be a problem. It's just a constant downward spiral of countless questions that are uninformed and frantic. Literally, just not paying attention. It really is just stupidity and a lack of self awareness. Instead of worrying about me, how about figure out what you truly want and that's the real thing that will "save you money".

AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TEXTING ME RIGHT NOW AT MIDNIGHT SAYING "I'm Confused. This isn't what I saw earlier? Did you do this right?" NO IT ACTUALLY IS WHAT YOU SAW EARLIER. YOU SAW IT 50 TIMES EARLIER AND YOU LITERALLY NEVER KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU SEE OR ARE TALKING ABOUT OR WHAT YOU EVEN WANT. .. .............

It's kind of enlightening to know that artists can be so lost at a later age in their "career". Clinging to young people to make their ideas happen. It's disheartening but also there's a peace in that no one quite resolves things (the chaos). There's no real answer here I guess. It still is depressing as fuck. It makes me feel their helplessness and it also makes me so mad, they are as though they are little kids who don't know how to look something up at the library or (HELLO, GOOGLE).

It's just a reality that I make money off of for now, but it also is dismantling my character and self esteem (the one of many reasons.) I am not a bossy go-getter that talks my way into great things. I am a good (not great)technical skill person who is too nice. Always agreeing to things that I shouldn't. Aka always being taken advantage of and selling myself too short.

So many pretentious people. So entitled. And they are so fucking clueless. This is the 5th person I've dealt with like this. I worked for the other 4 for five years and I'm over it. I can't deal with it anymore, it makes me feel like I am teaching my mom how to use After Effects or fuck fuckssake paint the Sistine Chapel. It just isn't going to happen. I need to find people that don't stomp on me. People that respect me and are easier to work for. My foot is coming down. I want to be my own boss or just a stupid fucking receptionist who can bang out the work then space out in my own little word reading whatever I want. Although I do need the money. UGH
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